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As I emerge from what has been a quiet, and frankly boring home stay here in Covid times, I wanted to share a bit on a shift I made that helped me get back to myself, and rediscover who I am. You see, I have started and stopped my workout routine a dozen times in the last few months.

Each time I start, I think it’s going to stick. And it just doesn’t.

Last month, when I took time off from movement, and teaching, and like, LIFE, I gave myself the space to ask “what do I really want?”

Last year pulled the joy out of my practice. And I was angry and frustrated because of it. Every time I landed on the mat, I felt like I was doing it for the wrong reasons. And it just didn’t feel right.

The same playlist kept playing in my head…
You really should work out
You really need to get back to practice
You are supposed to stay in shape
You should
You have to
You must

The constant barrage of self-guilting was exhausting. All of the “I have to’s” and “I should’s” were making me feel terrible. And it did nothing to get me where I wanted to be.

So I made this bold choice to stop all the negative self talk. To let myself off the hook. And to give myself the space to ask a really bold, really daring question: What do I really want?

You see, so often we come up with a solution without even knowing the real answer.

What is the purpose in working out? What is the goal for getting that cardio in? What is the point of the diet, and the mindset work, and all the other habits we wrap into “wellness”?

The truth is, I could care less about abs, except that they help me go farther in my practice. I have no time for defined muscles, or being able to pull off a crop top, whatever else the latest trend is. What I want most is to feel good. And when I realized that, I relaxed.

Because if what I really want is to feel good, than I can trust that no matter what I do, as long as I keep working towards feeling healthy, and strong, and feeling a little more relaxed and — I mean, if we’re really stretching here, why not add JOY as well…If that’s what I really want, than it will happen. And that’s true for you as well. It begins on the mat. And all you have to do is start showing up.


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